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Aku nak meluahkan perasaan aku. Aku nak kenalkan diri sebagai Am, berusia 28 tahun, berstatus suami orang.
Apa yang aku ingin ceritakan biarlah menjadi pengajaran dan iktibar kepada semua kaaum lelaki kerana ikutkan hati, aku merana selamanya.
Aku dan Imani (isteri dunia akhirat aku) kenal pada tahun 2015. Ketika itu aku berumur 23 tahun. Kami sebaya.
Berkahwin dua tahun kemudian dan dikurniakan seorang anak lelaki yang comel. Jika ada sekarang, hero aku dah berumur dua tahun lebih.
Sebelum itu, kami hidup bahagia tanpa ada sebarang masalah. Bergduh kecil itu biasalah. Kami berdua bekerja dalam unit beruniform. Imani bekerja syif dan aku normal syif.
Imani adalah seorang isteri dan ibu yang bertanggungjawab. Walaupun dia bekerja syif dan kadangkala selalu balik lewat, tetapi dia masih menjalankan tanggungjawab dia sebagai isteri dan ibu.
Dia seorang yang lemah lembut, cantik, tidak pernah sekalipun meninggikan suara atau melawan aku biarpun tercetus perselisihan faham di antara kami.
Dia menghormaati keluarga aku. Boleh dikatakan dia adalah wanitay ang sempurna dari segi rupa dan akhlaknya. Tetapi aku bodoh dalam menilai dia.
Mila mahu aku menikahinya tetapi dia tidak mahu menjadi isteri kedua. Aku perlu mencerraikan Imani. Aku dalam dilema ketika itu, aku buntu.
Aku perlu membuat pilihan dan aku memilih Mila. Dia cinta pertama aku dan kandungan itu adalah anak aku.
Pada malam itu, aku menunggu kepulangan Imani. Aku ingat lagi, hari itu dia bekerja syif petang. Sampai saja dia di rumah aku memanggilnya untuk berbincang. Tetapi dia meminta izin untuk membersihkan dirinya terlebih dahulu.
Anak aku sudah pun tidur. Selesai mandi dan sembahyang, Imani ingin memasak untuk aku tetapi aku halang. Aku mahu menyelesaikan masalah itu, malam itu juga.
Dia akur, kami duduk bertentangan. Aku melihat raut wajah wanita di hadapanku. Wanita yang susah senang bersama aku selama ini. Tetapi kenapa malam itu aku begitu tegar membuat dia menangis. Sampainya hati aku.
“Maafkan abang, sayangku..” aku menggenggam erat tangannya.
Imani menjadi tidak keruan melihat reaksi aku pada malam itu. Dia bertanya kepada aku, kenapa aku kelihatan lain. Aku diam dan dengan lafaz bismillah aku melafazkan cerrai terhadapnya. Bukan 1, bukan 2, tetapi 3. Betapa tegar dan bodohnya aku menghncurkan hati wanita yang betul-betul ikhlas mencintai aku.
Imani terdiam dan akhirnya dia menangis semahu-mahunya. Bertanya di mana silapnya dan apa salahnya sehingga sanggup mencerraikan dia. Malam itu juga, aku keluar dari rumah, mngalkan Imani dan anak aku. Aku balik ke rumah Mila.
Dalam tempoh proses pencerraian aku dan Imani, aku tidak pernah call atau bertanya khabar tentang Imani dan anak aku. Aku sudahpun berkahwin dengan Mila. Aku rasa bahagia bersama Mila tetapi kebahagiaan itu hanya sementara.
Tiba-tiba aku menjadi rindu yang amat pada Imani dan anak aku. Aku rindukan gelak ketawa Imani, rindu pada senyuman dia, rindu gelagat anak aku, rindu keluarga kecil aku yang dulu. Aku jadi tidak keruan.
Aku ingin mencari Imani dan anak aku. Aku pergi ke rumah sewa kami yang dulu tetapi Imani sudah berpindah. Aku pergi ke rumah bekas mertua, akhirnya aku mendapat berita yang mengubah hidup aku selama-lamanya.
Kedua-dua insan yang aku abaikan, aniaya telah mngal dunia akibat kmlangan jalan raya. Hitam gelap dunia aku. Aku pengsan serta-merta.
Buat Imani, maafkan abang sayangku. Imani bidadari abang. Imani tetap isteri abang dunia akhirat. Ampunkan d0sa abang terhadap Imani. Abang rindukan Imani sangat-sangat. Rindu yang tiada berpenghujung. Imani tetap hidup dalam kenangan abang. Bila aku kehiilanganmu, barulah aku tahu bahawa kau adalah permata.
Buat anakku, maafkan papa. Papa abaikan kamu anakku. Ampunkan d0sa papa, papa rindukan Noah sangat-sangat. Noah tetap dalam kenangan papa. BIla rindu, ku sebut namamu. Tenang dan damailah kek4sihku di sana. Al-Fatihah.
Baru aku tahu begitu s4kitnya bila kita kehiilangan seseorang. Aku sekarang dah macam orang giila talak. Mungkin ini balasan untuk aku.
Kenapa aku cerraikan Imani talak 3? Masa itu aku fikir kalau aku cerraikan Imani dengan talak 3, aku dan Imani tidak akan rujuk semula sebab aku sayangkan Mila. Rupanya aku tersilap, ini kesilapan yang paling besar aku buat. Penyesalan yang tiada ubatnya.
Kini, setiap minggu aku akan pergi ke kampung aruwah isteri aku untuk menziarahi kubur Imani dan anak aku, Noah.
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